bLoOd^SpOt

scars.

2006-10-17T15:02:00.000+08:00

"I tear my heart open , I sowed myself shut.My weakness is that I care too much.My scars remind me that the past is real .I tear my heart open just to feel ." well to those who hav yet to know tis song. tis is one of my favourites which can reli relate to my life. its from Paparoach and e title is "scars" despite my fierce n cold appearance , my interior is rather kind n soft i would say.( not to all ppl. onli to ppl i like or my relatives) being a kind being i would always b concern abt some ppl . n den dere r some ungrateful ppl who don seem 2 appreciate. well its once in a lifetime anyway if they don wan it , they'll nv get it back. anyways i'm nt e one who lose out in e end. why do i bother so much jus simply bcoz i care.coz being brought up by my wise dad , i hav always learn to do things which i wont regret for all my life. which clearly explains why i wana care so much.coz deep down in my heart i know i wanna prevent anything be4 it reli happens. well mayb some ppl jus got 2 learn from e hard way. i'm not a guy who forces ppl , since they don appreciate e things i did 4 dem , den i'll jus fuck off from dere lifes. why am i doin tis things for since appreciation is nt wad i get back in return , I still hav my own stuff to do mind you, i could hav hit e gym or do my own kinda , bt yet i chose to do my part as someone who cares jus simply becoz I reli care.

well bad news has been happenin soon kohbin is gona b goin 2 NS. man i'm gona miss him man. its jus like a snap of a finger n one of buddy is goin off . i mus reli shrink down man. i don wan pas A or B. i wan at least a D or bez i don even hav to take NS. i have been eatin veri little lately jus as 2 shrink down in time be4 i go 4 check up. fuck up man why singaporeans hav to go NS. why do we hav to go thru tis ill treatment. after being tortured like tt , u tink they would still hav luv 4 e country n fight 4 dem. no way man unless u r mentally unsound or simply retarded.
(shuo hao ting shi bao wei guo jia , bu hao ting shi bao hu the members of e parliament). which means from e outsiders point of view , we r protecting ur country but from insiders point of view , we r jus protecting e members of e parliament. so u tink e PAP will come n join us in times of crisis 2 protect us? yea u wish. they'll b long gone in e jet plane fiananced by e tax tt we pay. while we r fighting , there family will b at hawaii hav a nice tan while we r being covered by mud n bullets. honestly speakin me n my frens r gonna meet up in times of war n escape 2getha. so u tink I'm gona defend e country jus bcoz i'm strong yea u wished. afterall e tax they hav collected from my dad? after all e huge salaries e parliament is takin n still expect us to donate 2 charity? no way man. i'm not goin 2 let my life go to waste jus to protect ppl whom deserves no respect from me. life to me is veri precious coz its a gift from my saviour , Jesus whom deserves all my respect n love. if i reli hav to protect a country , i would choose America.Look at George Bush, does he obtain tt much salary yet he is doin a beta job at keepin e country in good hands. n bez of all they practice freedom of speech. ppl r allowed to voice their views which i tink is a veri good way to improvise on e country. without freedom of speech , we r jus livin in a nation controlled by hitler. if you u hav rmb anyone who spoke against was dealt severly.countries like tt (i'm not saying singapore but u may tink tis way if u wan :) ) r jus being so childish in their way of doin things. ppl r being elected jus so tt they can improvise on e lives of ppl rather den stop views from being aired jus so tt they can retain their position in e parliament n get big money. if money is more of an importance den e ppl den i'm very sure no one would wana fight 4 e country. if money is such an big issue to dem den wads e difference between corruption.

2006-08-22T04:28:00.000+08:00

ok kohbin here is my post after so long.. well this few days i hav been real busy not bcoz of sch but bcoz of gf. been neglecting my trainin eva since. well it seems dat everytime i hav a gf i will look disgusting coz i wont hav time 2 beautify myself. reli miz those days trainin wif my trainin partner kohbin.hapi tat he is oso serious abt bodybuilding. tis way we can help each other 2 achieve our goals faster. well mine is 2 b a mr olympia n mr universe. in life i onli settle 4 e bez.i wont take any other positions except 4 1st. like wad arnold said :" I'm so afraid 2 b one of u" . yep i don wana b a loser. tat kind of feeling mus b disgusting i guess.. ok now 2 tok abt how am i getting along wif life these days. well pretty fucked up i would say. sometimes i jus feel like an abandoned kid in e wilderness. its always quarrels after quarrels . its like i don feel luv from dem anymore.. now i gota pack my own room , fold my clothes. man wtf tats so gay. if tats e case , wad is a mom for?felt reli pissed at times. ok now lets tok abt luv issues.well it was real sweet n nice in e beginnin. but of coz as time passed things start 2 bitter somehow. well i hope tat this time it will b a nice n memorable one n not bitter n fucked up. it seems tat i'm jus not cut out 2 b a gd bf.. i hope i can b real nice 2 her for i love her alot n am willin 2 change 4 her.. i wish tat whereeva i go , there she would always b. after e times i've spent wif her i find her reli cute n a real great gf.. though its jus a month plus but we hav been tru so much... all e hapi times r jus splendid n how i wish we could jus turn back time 2 embrace ourselves in e hot fiery luv tat we hv 4 each other. if given another chance 2 choose i will still choose u coz like wad u said u'll luv me more den anybody else would. yep n indeed its really true. you've showed me luv tat none has eva did be4.u showed me how faithful a gal could eva b.u totally changed my perspective of gals coz u r so different.u showed me how sweet luv could b.for this i am willing 2 quit flirting ard and fully commit myself 2 u for i noe tat u r e bez n there will nv b someone as great as u .n i'm willing 2 giv all of mine 2 u. lets hold hands n walk e rest of our life journey 2getha "dear if u reading this , this is 4 u "I love you dear!" You r e bez , wad more could I eva asked 4. luv u so much my lovely Mrs Chong.. muackkkkSSSS... mmm my sweetie pie. "

2006-06-28T01:04:00.000+08:00

lost and troubled

2006-06-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

Well as many of my close friends have noticed I am a guy with totally no sense of direction.. haha.. but mine is kinda more chronic kind of case.. i know it may seem wierd for a big guy 2 b lost n desparately find his way... ya but aint it worst when i can even b lost in my own neighbourhood... omg.. jus a few days back after i sent my fren 2 e mrt station , i cant find my way back 2 my apartment.. damn i am so good... hhaa. i sure did myself proud on tat damn fucked up day .. well tats a skill which i can nv attain in my life.. feel so stressed up .. i am totally drained physically n mentally.. so little time yet so much 2 accomplish... hav not been touchin on sch work eva since e holidays hav started.. man i dread goin 2 sch.. fuck up place.. e food onli so so.. fuck.. haiz feel so depressed , it seems tt my probs r jus piling up like uno.. when eva i feel tis way i could jus easily relate myself to tis song called "unforgivable sinner" .. i feel tis way coz mayb i am punished wif such probs due to my accumulated sins i hav committed? haha doesnt mean tat u hav 2 b a murderer in order 2 qualify urself as a sinner . daily routines of false witnessin n bla bla.. ahha i feel so lost n out of reach..

Oh btw the songs is sung by lene marlin. quite long ago though . used to listen to it while i was in pri sch i guess? well time reali flies. from a weak n frail boy back in e pri sch days , i have matured into a tall n muscular man.. but i have shrunk man.. 2 lazy 2 be bothered about such stuff alredi. now my life onli revolve ard drugs n alcohol.. haha no la.. jus playing n shopping coz i hav learnt how to pamper myself unlike e old days. back den i trained hardcore in e gym till i am so physically drained.. now when i tink abt it i find it rather pointless coz asians could nv win caucasians bodybuilders. arhhh... haha..

However i tink i mayb goin back to trainin coz my fren , koh bin reminds me of e younger version of me.. his determination n curiousity for tis sport has rekindled my passion for the sport. i wouldnt dare call bodybuilding as a sport but i would rather refer to it as a life time commitment. jus like a religion which marks ur life. in my life , e onli ppl i respect n consider great r legendary bodybuilders. builders like arnold , frank zane n franco columbo.. these r bodybuilders of the past.. back in the days supplements werent as advance as now.. yet with those basic tools they were able 2 sculpt a perfect bronze statue i would call. my respect goes to dem rather den the present builders.. but i like kelvin levrone n lee priest though.. coz their bodies r a replica to superman's.. aha.. well enuff of e bodybuilding crap.. man jus a few more days n its back 2 sch again.. e scotchin sun , e long bus rides, e fucked up teachers.. darn.....

2006-06-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

well its been a long time since i last blogged.. haha. ok tis post is a 3 day entry... on e 1st day went out wif kohbin 2 marina square.. its been a long time since i went out wif him .. glad 2 hav a great fren like him.. well for e 2nd day i jus simply pig out at home.. den went to e gym for awhile.. well 2day is e 3rd day .. went out wif my neighbour 2 do some shopping.. den here i am back in my room doin tis blog.. haha. i know its kinda boring coz i'm not a guy who could express myself as well as gays could.. haha. no offence.. jus fuckin hate em.. well i jus feel tis way mayb i don understand dem? or mayb plainly on jus dat actions dat fuckin disgust me.. feelin damn bored man my dinner buddy val is away in msia.. miss makin fun of her man.. haha.. well i hope i wont fget wad i learn in sch over tis damn holidays man.. haha.. i hate goin back 2 sch man ,, everymornin be4 e fucking sun fully fry my butt i gota wake up n rush 2 sch.. fuck...alrite tats all 4 2day fuckers.. haha..

new skinss..haha

2006-06-04T04:22:00.000+08:00

2day dear help me edit my blog ... kohbin is so sweet.. no la jus joking jus trying 2 make fun of e gays colin n kero .http://colinandkero.blogspot.com/ HAHA no offence ..their blog is hilarious man... shit nxt wk got exams fuck man.. seriously fucked up.. i realise as i age , my interest in studies seriously fades away.. if not for my damn future i wouldnt gav a fuck abt goin 2 sch.. i rather go shoppin n gyms.. taught kohbin how 2 train yesterday n i am proud 2 say tat he is improving day by day... can sign him up 4 manhunt in future..

hmmph....

2006-05-22T16:45:00.000+08:00

well 2day's maths test was wicked man.. haha totally did not hav time 2 study for it coz i accompanied val. we saw e levis models. Man they r freakin gorgeous man. they r completely flawless. totally different from singaporeans.. everymove they make just seem so elegant ... but too bad today's e last day of e event.. i wish tat they will drop by again.. ok gonna slp..

2006-05-20T11:46:00.000+08:00

do u blive in e devil? well i noe its wierd but everytime whilst slping i can feel a force sitting right beside me. mayb its bcoz of me crackin 2 many religion jokes but heck u noe i don giv a fuck.. jus go ahead n kill me life is so stressful anyways/ felt much beta alredi now at least my throat feels moist. well nxt wk is another fucked up wk . it is congested wif so many test. =( shit man i'm reli sick of changin e batteries of my keyboard n mouse. damn troublesome. still feel so drunk.. i hope e alcohol wont neutralise my med or wadso eva.... i was so lazy 2 get water dat i jus drink my med down wif liqour. haha.. well 2 day is my 1st official n successful day of quitting smokin. yes luff all u wan. i noe tat theres many failed attempts but i aint gona giv up dat easily. i wish tat my term tests will b so easy. haha i'm so desparate 4 holidays.. i wanna go las vegas again coz tis time i'm legal.. yeah... "we doin big pimpin spendin G's" , quoted for jayz .. haha.. i wish tat my sch has a course 4 pimpin. =D

feeling beta alredi.

2006-05-18T00:23:00.000+08:00

well i'm feeling beta alredi.. damn it man took so long 2 recover.. went 2 play bball after lab.. actually i wasnt reli playin but foolin ard in e court doin e stupid movement.. haha... kept listenin 2 zhng my car tis few days .. hhaa was learnin how 2 tok like tat johnny. haha.. so bored man..

groans...

2006-05-16T16:05:00.000+08:00

fuck!! yes fuck!!!! hav 2 test today. circuit n effcom. after e tests i hav learnt a lesson. n its how 2 say fuck fluently..Just to make e 'fuck' word count easier i hav added a FUCKOMETER.....like always i went 2 copy my frens circuit coz i was late so i don reli noe wtf is goin.. well it happens tat rebecca's circuit is kinda wrong 2. (1)fuck. so i gota wreck my brains unwillingly 2 do e circuit myself. alas i finish it !!! =D (2) fucking hapi. went 4 lunch after tat. damn e uncle added chilli 2 my food. (3) i fucking hate chillis. so i swope wif my fren. i couldnt finsh 3/4 of my food ... wierd eh coz i'm so damn sick. so i decided 2 make good use of it food by playin a prank on a veri keen christian , Tian en.. hhaa i slot all my food into my empty can of coke. den after i pour in some of yisheng drink on top. happily i scooted 2 e lecture hall n hav aldrin 2 pass him e drink. (4) fuck tian en didnt take it.. ahh.. i was hopin e drink it like a gummy juice n notice his stupidity midway n bloop , fountains of vomit come gushing out of his mouth n hit e lecturer n dirty e whole room. if he were to do it , man we can hav a free period. haiz.. nvm tis shall come to pass one day coz i will try 2 giv him a drink everyday.. haha.. Stone did not come to sch 2day i guess he was busy acting in Bollywood.. haha.. after effcom test i escape e rest of e day's lessons as i'm jus in no mood 2 study.. n wads my lame xcuse again? "Oh there's something urgent back home n i need 2 go back home immediately." haha urgent my ass. urgent 2 lay down on bed n slp tats it... haha.. making xcuses is my forte , here is a lists tat hav successfully helped me get away wif.
1) I sprained my ankle.
2)My lil bro is missing n I hav 2 go search for him.
3)E canteen food causes me 2 hav a bad stomache
4)I'm feeling drowsy n i tink i'm seeing things..
n etc etc... these i hav used for a coupa of yrs. throughout my school life 2 b exact.

n my favourite excuse 4 not handing in work is....... "sobx i was so careless tat i left my whole file in e cab.... hahaha.... good rite?? u bet!! i hav been using tis several times n deres no way a teacher in e rite mind could eva bear 2 blame u .. haha..

alrite i need 2 slp coz e medicine makes me so drowsy n horny.. haha jk...

stressed n fucked...

2006-05-16T00:19:00.000+08:00

haiz.. after graduation my 1st aim was 2 get enlisted 2 a poly. i tot poly life was all abt fun n poning sch den i came 2 realise its even worst den sec sch life. i totally regretted choosing e course which i;m currently in coz i hav no basic foundation in physic. i'm more science inclined den physics. haiz. friday is e onli day i look forward 2 coz it will b e day when my fren is finally out from NS n can bring me go drinking. haiz i jus wanna drown myself in liqour perhaps God will den hav pity on me n mayb not send me 2 hell? yes yes i know i shld turn 2 religion for help instead of getting wasted. but hell i hav tried so many times n all my attempts hav failed. i'm jus not e same anymore. i hav fallen from grace n i'm used 2 it alredi so y bother. i'm not like a 3 yr old kid who blindly search for a miracle tat does not even exist. mayb its becoz of all e torment tat i hav gone thru which made me bitter . actually i reli wish God existed in my life tat way i can hav someone 2 confide 2 . i noe god exists but he jus seem so vague in my life. sometimes i jus feel like a clown . on e surface i appear all cheery n happy but deep down i'm jus so shallow. How i wish i could jus die. i feel like a lil boy who had his cake smashed. i feel so helpless. i felt like a loser. all this while i still like tis gal which i could nv 4gt. haiz i reli wish tat i could hav her. bye cruel world, loser gona slp...

stressed n fucked

2006-05-16T00:18:00.000+08:00

20/8/04

2004-08-21T13:02:00.000+08:00

sian sia long time no blog le so blog 2day... juz woke up..finally me no sick le bt acting in front of teachers so don need hand in work. hahaha... veri e bored sia donnoe wad 2 write... so jus write until here..

cHaInS oF LiVe

2004-08-04T20:40:00.000+08:00

Many days and even many more sleepless nights I have sat and wondered what my destiny really was. What was my place in this dark place? Did I even have one? So many times I have lain awake, motionless, locked in a haze, unable to even dream. From the time I was a boy, I always knew, without question that there were great and wondrous trials for me to overcome.

Along the way I found myself a leader of men surrounded always by hangers on, yet always alone. The path I walked had curves where it was straight for others. I stood out even when I wanted to blend in. It occurred to me that no matter who was around or how many people I came in contact with, I remained a loner. I worked in silence and turned away friends and relationships. Solitude, even self-imposed exile, was my way.

As I walk on, I find myself blessed with having beautiful people in my life. Their courage amazes me. I found out that a man's purpose is sometimes greater than he can understand. There are people who are held by invisible chains, closed in by imaginary walls that seem so real to them. I know now that within me lies the soul of a gladiator and the heart of a lion.

My world is for me to live in and my solitude is my burden to bear. They are also the tools I use to forge a will to survive, and lead others to realize their own dreams. So when you see me standing alone and doing things differently from the group, don't judge me too harshly. I must remain focused. I hunt alone.

We��re all trying to find our way to our own destinies. My destiny makes me walk a hard, lonely road, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I must be a Machine and always operate under any conditions. Whatever happens, whatever weather, day or night, the Machine keeps coming. To all the kids who have nothing to lose, keep your heads up and your fists clenched. Take hold of your destiny. We won't be chained down. We will fly.